Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings
by Irith Ayllistira
Summary: Non-yaoi. A series of humor drabbles about Zack and the group. Contains Crisis Core characters: Kunsel, Cissnei, Angeal, Genesis, Hollander, and locations but no spoilers. After a long wait and many people asking the fic to return, SZM is back.
1. Is it Dead?

_Author's notes: _A series of humor drabbles about Zack and the group. Contains Crisis Core characters (Kunsel, Cissnei, Angeal, Genesis, Hollander) and locations but no spoilers.

REVISED

* * *

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

_Is it dead?_

* * *

Zack walked through the hallway with his hands inside the pockets of his trousers, whistling some random music he heard the rookies singing. After he turned a corner, he poked his head through Sephiroth's office, surprised to hear his silver-haired friend humming affectionately. As always, the general's office was impecably clean, his desk, floor and shelves glittering, his papers carefully fillled on the top of his desk, the regular _gourmet_ sandwich wrapped in foil and waiting to be eaten at lunch.

"Hey, Sephy. How're you doing today?"

The general's eyes glanced towards the man. "I have a told you a thousand times not to call me-"

"Sephy?" Zack asked, cocking his head to the side.

"…Yes. That horrendous nickname you decided to give me long ago."

"You remember the circumstances Sephy…-roth."

"Indeed, but I'd rather forget that Chocobo costume."

Zack laughed and stepped into his friend's office. The general immediately backed, protecting something, circling it with his arms. Zack raised an eyebreow. When he entered the office a few moments ago he didn't notice that his friend was holding something in his lap. "What are you doing, Sephiroth?"

The older man looked at him with a fierce gaze. And in the blink of an eye, the mask fell and Sephiroth's expression shifted into hopelessness. "Promise me you won't laugh."

"I won't." Zack darkly chuckled watching Sephiroth's skittish look, as he carefully unfolded his arms around the object in his lap and placed it on the top of the desk, with a loud _bump!_ and a couple of drops of water landing on his immaculate written reports.

It was a round and polished…aquarium. A little castle stood above a thick amount of sand and little colored pebbles adorned the container. Swimming inside was a monochromatic…redfish. Its eyes revolved forwards and backwards as he insanely found his way through the seaweeds stuck beneath the small stones.

"You're hiding a fish…?" Zack asked, amused as he watched the creature swimming in circles.

"The Shin-Ra staff doesn't let pets inside the headquarters" the general said. "Close the door, they may see us."

Zack did as he was told and sat again in the chair in front of his companion's desk. Supported on his elbow, he look at the little ecosphere and. Then, he closed his eyes.

"Look at the fish, Seph. It's so free and reckless. He couldn't care less about the world we live in; his worries merely focus on the food you give him and the number of dropping per day. Life would be so much easier like that…"

"Life would be much easier if you just thought about the poop you make?" asked Sephiroth amusedly. He slowly reached for a non-tagged can. "I am going to feed him".

Without opening his eyes, Zack listened to the sound of the little pieces of food falling to the surface and the water being revolved as the fish tried to reach out for the food. "Where did you get the fish, Sephiroth?"

"Well, I found it on the sink in the men's bathroom."

"WHAAT?"

"Actually, I stole it from a rookie that left it in the sink because its aquarium broke. So I took it in one of Hojo's bizarre organ containers. That boy was getting on my nerves, singing in the toilet as I was trying in vain to wash my hands."

"And then a bond captured both of your hearts…yours and the fish's."

Sephiroth smiled ironically. "Yes, Zack, I actually found my soul mate. _Be calm, my furiously beating heart_."

The black-haired ignored the joke and focused on the aquarium. "Sephiroth…what's the fish doing?"

"I guess he's sleeping."

Zack's other eye flashed open. "He's not sleeping, Seph!"

"He is not-"

The boy grabbed the aquarium and shook it a couple of times. After a while, he said "I think you killed your fish, Seph. What did he eat?"

"Well, plain Chocobo meat." Sephiroth simply answered as he poked the floating fish with his gloved hand. "Is it dead?"

"You fed him Chocobo meat! Fish don't eat meat, Sephiroth!"

"They don't? They must have exquisite taste buds, then."

Zack slapped his forehead with his hand "Try to revive him, Seph."

The general looked puzzled."How?"

"You know that stuff, you're the general, the materia-master. Do as it as you wish."

"Revive materia mostly works on human beings. I will not use Revive on a fish."

"Well, find a way."

The general scratched his head and after a while, he lowered his hands to the border of his desk and concentrated.

There was a loud _bang!_ and everything went black. Paper irrupted from the mountains of paperwork and started to fly. The office's clean and immaculate walls turned black and the carpet started fuming beneath their feet. Coughing, Zack waved his hands in a try to dissipate the smoke, but the only thing he accomplished was slapping Sephiroth's face and hear him roll down the chair and on to the floor.

Miraculously, the door opened, and the black smoke exited to the corridor. Angeal stood at the door frame, eyes wide opened. His gaze turned to Sephiroth, spread on the floor, to Zack, which hair was more spiky and black than ever.

"Seph, what did you use on the fish?" asked Zack, coughing between words.

The man shrugged and rose like the stick of a broom. "Bolt3"

"What? You used a master Bolt3 on a fish on the water! Are you trying to kill yourself? And me too?

"Sephiroth" called Angeal calmly, grabbing the better bits of conversation he could "You know that water and lightning aren't a very good couple, don't you?"

"Well, when people go to the hospital and are paralysed, they put those things on their chest, scream "clear out" and then they send electrical charges through the body."

"Yes, Sephiroth, but those people are not in a bowl."

The general frowned. "…Whatever".

"Look at the fish!" Zack exclaimed, looking at the aquarium. A blackish object floated in the water "The fish is toasted! If you didn't kill yourself and me, at least you did a great job on killing the fish!"

Silence rose. Sephiroth's eyes focused on Angeal's and Zack's. The room turned into a fridge, so cold that Zack started to shiver. It seemed like the general was about to burst and kill the two SOLDIER's, engulfing all of the world in his rage.

But then, after a moment, he spoke again, proceeding to the door.

"Screw yourselves."

* * *

Author's notes: I would like to continue this series if the reviews and comments are good, even if they lack of substance or constructive criticism. Open to suggestions and requests.

~Irith


	2. The Secret

REVISED

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

The Secret

* * *

Night had fallen. Sephiroth was in his office, patting his fingers on the top of his clean desk. Only illuminated by the dim light of the lamp on top of the desk, he silently watched the door, waiting for someone to open it. Even after much controling, a single drop of sweat ran down his temple. He cursed under his breath, cleaning his face with the back of his gloved hand. They had done this before, but everytime he thought about being caught, he couldn't help but feel nauseated. What if they ever found out?

After a while he heard a knock at the door. Rising from his chair, he slowly reached for the door's knob, his fingers trembling. After the other man entered, Sephiroth put his head out of the office to peek into the hallway, searching for people that could have followed Genesis. When he found out that the corridors were empty, he nervously started to walk in circles. The red-haired man smiled at the light.

"Don't be so nervous, Seph." Genesis said, dramatically walking towards him. "We have done this a lot of times."

"I know, Genesis" Sephiroth retorted "But I can't help it. What if someone catches us?"

"No one will catch us. It's night already: everyone is sleeping quitely on their beds."

Sephiroth hopelessly sighed and then overlooked Genesis from head to toe. "You brought…?"

Genesis smirked "Yes, do not worry." He pointed at the general's chair " Seph, please, relax. You'll feel better after I do it. Sit down, please. It's _easier_ for me if you are relaxed."

Sephiroth did as he was told and started unbuttoning his jacket. It would only get in the way. Genesis went behind him and carefully put his hands on each side of his head, on the chair.

"You're safe on my hands, Sephiroth. You know that I am _very good_ at this. After all, you are the one who asks me to do it. You can't resist it, can you? No one can work it better than I do. My hands are magical."

Sephiroth relaxed and smiled when he felt Genesis' breath on the top of his head. "Says who?"

"Everybody" the red-head replied, smirking again.

* * *

Zack and Kunsel were walking down the corridor, both wearing jeans and t-shirts, talking loudly and laughing. After the midnight's turn at the slums, they were both ready to go to sleep and the pair of drinks they took on their way to the ShinRa HQ earlier was already numbing their brains.

"Hey Cloud!" Zack waved, seeing the blond man walking towards them with sleepy eyes. "Watcha doing, buddy?"

"I just finished the session on the training's room. The guys were pretty harsh tonight with the data monsters. It's that Hojo guy... He keeps saying he wants to prove SOLDIER members aren't worthy of having a much bigger wage then he does. Then he revenges on us, ShinRa troops, with those horrible data monsters. I thought I was going to die back there."

Zack laughed "Go to bed, Cloud, you country boy! How do you want to be in SOLDIER if you can't even handle a training session?"

"There was something that terrified me even more than the data monsters, Zack. And believe me, that Behemoth was huge."

Zack raised an eyebrow "What terrified you?"

Cloud leaned forward and lowered his voice into a whisper.

"Genesis sneaking into Sephiroth's office. He had such a nasty and seductive smile on his face that I thought I was going to throw up."

Zack exchanged a glance with Kunsel. "Cloud, are you saying that Genesis…? Genesis and…Sephiroth? They can't be…"

"I know what I saw! However my eyes can't pierce through walls so I can't be really sure. _But it was, indeed, suspicious._"

Kunsel folded his arms. "At this hour of the night…Well Zack, I think we've found out our superior's secret!"'

"Sephiroth can't be... Is he? Well, Genesis doesn't actually _surprise _me, but if Sephiroth is what we think he is, I'll never be able to look up on him again."

"Me neither" said Cloud with his eyes wide open. "I guess sonner or later, we'll have to find out."

* * *

"Be cautious, Zack" Kunsel warned as Zack slowly raised his hand to the door's knob "If they happen to catch us, we're doomed."

"Don't worry." Zack turned the knob and poked his head inside the office. The room was dark but he could hear muffled music coming from Sephiroth's room. Damn, they even had background music! Only a small light on the top of the desk was lit up. There was nobody at the office. However, the bathroom's door was semi-open and a trench of yellow light irrupted from it. He could hear voices inside.

"Are you feeling better, Sephiroth?"

"I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders."

"Well, it wasn't lifted from your _shoulders, _Seph." Genesis chuckled.

Zack's eyes widened in shock. _It couldn't be possible…Could it? _However, all evidence was making the situation irreversibly clear.

The bathroom's door opened completely. Zack busted out through the office, pointing at both men leaving the bathroom. Sephiroth looked relaxed and he wore nothing but his leather pants. Genesis had a satisfied look on his face and he too had removed his jacket, wearing only his black shirt beneath.

"What a shame! Meeting each other at this hour of night! What will the rookies-" he stopped when his eyes slided down to the red-head's hand. Genesis had a fistful of silver clutched between his fingers.

"Hey, puppy, why are you so angry ?" the red-haired man asked.

"You were…you…you?"

Sephiroth sighed and slowly raised a hand to his face, covering his forehead in hopelessness.

"Zack, Genesis was here for another purpose."

"What purpose?"

Genesis raised a scissor and cocked an eyebrow.

"I was doing his monthly haircut".

* * *

_Author's Notes:_ A suggestion to use Genesis in this chapter by awsomekiwihere1213.

I hope you liked it, I never resist to tease my readers.


	3. The Keyboard

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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The Keyboard

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Sephiroth was sitting at his computer, calmly writing his daily report. The SOLDIER's director, Lazard, asked him to, and so Sephiroth had to respect his duty, and every night, sit at the front of the monitor and write a monotone and boring report for the head of the department.

It was an utterly important report, they told him. Being the general of the Shin-Ra's army, Sephiroth had an important role in the disciplinary issues of his fellow rookies. So there he was, writing his own memories in the WordPad (memories which summarized in two lines, at most), to e-mail it to the floor above (how stupid could that be?) and be rid of that useless secondary job.

"_Director Lazard:_

_In today's report, I detected the usual activity on the SOLDIER's floor. I heard, however, Cloud Strife and Zack Fair having a ridiculous talk about the canteen's food. Maybe you should ask the cooks to produce better food…? "_

Sephiroth smirked. Should he put that in the report? Well, for God's sake, at least he could have some fun.

_(Continuing)_

"_Well, Kunsel and Luxiere had a major discussion at the entrance of the Training Room being their new guns the subject. They say their pistols need 2 minutes do reload, because of their potent shots and that they are afraid to die because of that, _I quote_: crap. _

_With this last information I end my report._

_Signed:_

_Sephi_

Sephiroth hit the key.

"No-no-no-no-no! My 'R' key is stuck!" he exclaimed, with frustration. "I can't sign this cursed report with this name!"

He hit the key 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…45 times, until he sighed and quitted. "General has an 'R', too, as well as 'Army Chief' and _every_ name I am called of! Why am I cursed with an 'R', for God's mercy, why!?"

"What happened, Seph?" said Zack, getting through the office as Sephiroth's ears exuded anger smoke.

"…My 'R' key is stuck." The general answered, crossing his arms "I can't sign my daily report now."

"Don't worry Seph, you can put it inside a driver and finish it in my computer."

"Unfortunately, your primitive software isn't compatible with mine. I think, Zack, that your computer is older than my grandmother."

"What do you want me to do then?" the black-haired man asked, cocking his head to the side.

Sephiroth leaned in. "Listen, Zack, this is will be a meticulous operation."

The young man widened his eyes. "You can count on me, Seph."

"Listen, then: you will go to the floor above, and sneak through the hallways. No one can see you, do you hear me? If they do, we'll both be doomed. Then, you bend the northeast corner, and enter the door at the furthest south."

Zack scratched his head. "Wait, isn't that the kitchen?"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes "You aren't getting to the point, Zack. You enter the kitchen, and very carefully open the second drawer in the fifth kitchen counter counting from the right. In that drawer you'll grab a powerful tool, which will help me solve this problem."

Zack widened his eyes again "Shin-Ra hides powerful weapons in the kitchen? What's the tool?"

Sephiroth looked at the young man with a wise gaze "You will grab…a fork."

"What!? A kitchen fork? Like the ones we use to eat spaghetti?"

"Yes, Zack, a kitchen fork. And bring it here most carefully."

As Zack exited through the door, Sephiroth shouted at him.

"Bring some cookies too."

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Zack brought the fork with him.

"No one saw me, Seph" he said, handing him over the tool.

"Very well, then." The tall men placed the teeth of the fork under the gap of the 'R' key. Then he started to push, and to push, trying to unblock it.

"It isn't going as I thought it would" Sephiroth said, frowning. "Give it a try, Zack."

The younger man tried his luck too, but with no success.

"This is a stubborn key, Sephiroth!"

Suddenly Cloud's head poked through the office. "Anyone needs help? I hear very much noise here."

"Cloud, give it a try." Sephiroth demanded, handing him the fork. "My 'R' key is stuck. Try to un-stuck it."

Cloud smiled.

"This happens to me all the time" he said, as he cautiously placed the tooth of the fork beneath the 'R' key. "The secret is to have calm and don't let your emotions talk for you. And be very delicate to the key, because it doesn't answer to hostility."

"What have you been reading, man…" Zack said, scratching his head.

"And here it-"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

A loud noise was heard and everything went black. Paper irrupted from the mountains of paperwork and started to fly. The office's clean and immaculate walls were black and the carpet was fuming beneath their feet. Coughing, Zack waved his hands in a try to dissipate the smoke, but the only thing he got was slapping Sephiroth's face and hear him roll down the chair and to the floor.

"Ups, I think I didn't manage my emotions very well…" Cloud was truly surprised.

Zack exclaimed "A loud noise was heard and everything went black?!? Paper irrupted from the mountains of paperwork and started to fly?!? The office's clean and immaculate walls were black and the carpet was fuming beneath their feet?!? Coughing, Zack waved his hands in a try to dissipate the smoke, but the only thing he got was slapping Sephiroth's face and hear him roll down the chair and to the floor.!?!?!?! This is the damned second time I've heard this narration!"

Sephiroth got up "Well, then Angeal should be appearing in no time."

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Author's Notes: Here is another chapter….Please review. Feel free to comment, send requests, suggestions and _whatever_ you may think of to make this series of drabbles more interesting! Constructive reviews are appreciated and always nice! ^o^


	4. Spelling Affairs

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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Spelling Affairs

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Reno and Rude were scrolling down the hallway with an aspirant power-ish look. They passed by a bunch of secretaries and a little smirk formed on their lips. _Yes,_ Reno thought, _we almost pass for superstars._ Fixing his goggles, he reinforced the vision forming in his mind. Reno and Rude on the red carpet…_what an image. _

They reunited with the rest of the crew in a room at the base of the Shin-Ra's headquarters. Every Friday night they reunited in that room, discussing the problems of the week and the last rumors. They hadn't any day-off to join like that, so they occupied the small room once a week.

As they walked into the room, Zack waved them. Sephiroth merely gazed at them, hid in a corner of the small room.

"Look who arrived" Genesis said, smirking slightly. "R&R."

Angeal raised an eyebrow "Read and Review?"

"Reno and Rude, you little nut-head." The red-head spitted.

"It sounds like a music genre. Like R&B." noticed Zack, tugging his headphones out.

"Reno and Rude, the Turks." Genesis mocked. Then he frowned. "…Are you even from Turkey?"

"Or Reno and Rude, the turkeys." Sephiroth pouted with an evil smirk.

"You guys underestimating our popularity" Reno said pretending an offended look. "When Rude and I reach the stars the jealously will turn you green!"

"If you reach the starts it will be probably at the sight of my punch." Zack said, throwing a fist in the air.

"That's not even fair, Zack Fair" Reno laughed.

"_Today there's a fair breeze on the horizon, my friends…_"Genesis quoted, trying not to laugh.

"I heard that the secretary at the weapon's development department invited every girl on the building to go to the fair at the Midgar's outskirts." Sephiroth noticed, catching the opportunity. "Do you want to go Zackary? Maybe your name will win a discount for the girls."

Zack gave him a false smile. "Yes Sephiroth. Or should I say, 'yes, person who has a name that sounds like a disease!'"

Sephiroth cocked an eyebrow "What?"

"Yes, look at it: Sephiroth disease attacks southern part of Gaia. Break news: Sephiroth virus suffered a mutation and transformed into Sephiroth-A! Wear masks and gloves, because it may be transformed into Sephiroth-B!"

Everyone laughed.

"It's not my fault that I was raised in a laboratory." He said, folding his arms. "You are laughing so hard, Cloud…every thought of going to Midgar News…to be the weather girl?"

Cloud frowned "You aren't being nice."

"Of course I am not….I am being _rude._ Don't you agree, Rude?"

The bald man glared evilly at the general. Genesis smirked.

"What about you, red-head? Are you still a big fan of the Genesis?" Zack mocked.

"That's not even funny man."

"I think I saw a t-shirt in your room saying 'I heart Phil Collins.'" Sephiroth said, discretely looking at the other side. "What about you, Angeal? Your dreams, your honor?"

Angeal looked uncomfortable. "Stop it, Sephiroth."

"Angel of Music, guide and guardian, grant to me your glory!" sang Reno dramatically. "Angel of Music, hide no longer! Secret and strange angel!"

Sephiroth sang along "I am your Angel of Music… Come to me Angel of Music…."

Zack grunted: "The Phantom of the Opera-a-a-a!"

Angeal pouted his lips.

"I like the musical. What's your problem, people?"

"We have no problem…no problem."

"And Reno…there's a river with your name, in Italy! And a city in the United States!" Angeal spat.

"Don't you see?" the red-head Turk said, fixing his goggles. "I am a guy who appreciates geography. Hollywood is my next destination"

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_**Author's Notes: **__Don't even ask where did this came from. I was just thinking how so many names in the game were so extremely stupid, looking at them in another perspective. Although this didn't come out as I wished, I think is readable enough ^_o^ _awesomekiwihere1213 suggested Reno and the turks in a chapter and I used this suggestion =)_


	5. The Meeting

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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First Meeting

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At the time Zack was a 3rd Class SOLDIER. He couldn't get to be second because he couldn't stand still and be quiet for more than 5 minutes. As Angeal said, concentration was a critical factor in sending a powerful blast of power. _Focus, Zack_, he always said.

So now he had been sent alone to meet a well-known first class: Genesis Rhapsodos, and learn with him many crucial techniques in order to be a good SOLDIER.

He found Genesis, however, in the most unlikely place: the cafeteria.

He was calmly sipping his tea with the tip of his smaller finger in the air. Zack couldn't help but frown: that high-heeled, earring-wearer guy couldn't possibly be a tough 1st Class SOLDIER, who was praised all over the world. However, as he approached, Genesis gasped in acknowledge. The younger man sighed in panic. No way was he going to take lessons with that…_man._

"You!" the red-headed said, opening his arms in a friendly gesture. "You are the 3rd Class Angeal told was going to address me…"

"In order to take lessons" Zack completed, sitting carefully in a chair in front of the older man.

Genesis nodded "So…you are…Zack."

"Yes, I am. _Sir._"

"Hmm…Zack…the puppy?"

Zack cocked his eyebrow. Not wanting to show disrespect, he politely asked:

"Angeal told you the nickname he uses on me?"

"Yes he did, Zack. Well, as I see you are surely a hyperactive subject, I will now call you the Puppy."

Zack tried to hide the funny face he made at the sentence.

"So, Puppy, I want to talk with you for a while. Today we won't train; we'll only talk about your talents, your life, and your techniques. Tell me, Puppy, did you met Sephiroth already?"

"Yes sir."

"Did he started to train you?"

"Yes sir."

"What comments did he make about your fighting style?"

Zack scratched his head, embarrassed. "Well, sir, _General_ Sephiroth told me I need to concentrate more…He says that my focusing is still very poor."

"Well Puppy, I have to say, that as we are talking I already knew Sephiroth said that. He appreciates concentration very much…yes. But I would like to make some questions to evaluate your fighting technique, as well as your military culture. Are you ready to start the 4-question-quiz?"

"Yes sir."

Genesis cleared his throat and put his cup of tea on the border of the table.

"Well then…Let the quiz start!"

_Zack is equipped with a red buzzer. Rose, the sidekick and Genesis appear side by side, next to a big monitor. _

_**Round One: Point Picker!**_

_Genesis: Rose, please explain this round._

_Rose: Every player has to chose a theme, and then Buzz…- Genesis will make a question for you._

_Genesis: Well, Puppy, what do you pick?_

SPORTS, MOVIES, TV, BIZARRE, CELEBRITIES, MUSIC, ANIMALS AND GENERAL.

_Zack: Movies! _

"_**Question number 1: If you saw an extra-lunatic fangirl trying to pull my hair in order to acquire one of my red locks, what would you do?**_

_-Zack cocked an eyebrow- _

_**1-Yell at her to leave me alone;**_

_**2- Spank her to death;**_

_**3-Shoot her head;**_

_**4-Pull her hair too;**_

_With the clock ticking, the Puppet nervously started to chose between the red, orange, green and yellow buttons that corresponded to the answers above in order._

_**The Puppy's Answer: **__Pull her hair too! _

_Genesis nodded his head: no points for you, Puppy, player number 1! The right answer was: Spank her to death! There's nothing more annoying than extra-lunatic fangirls! If you want to be a well succeeded SOLDIER, you have to take that lesson! Let's continue to the next round. Rose, please explain! _

_**Round 2: Fastest Finger!**_

_Rose: In this round, the __first__person to answer correctly gets the most points, and each person after that gets points based on what position they buzzed in at._

"_**Question 2: What's Sephiroth's sword name?"**_

_Rose: Be fast, Puppy, or the other players will answer before you!_

_-Puppy looks to his left, than to his right-_

_Genesis: ….well, maybe someone will show up!_

_Puppy, Rose and Genesis: …._

_-The wind blows in the horizon. They can hear a cricket in the distance.-_

_Rose: Alright, let's keep playing:_

_**1-Murasame**_

_**2-Masamune**_

_**3-Super Killer 3000**_

_**4- Vincent Valentine**_

_**Puppy's Answer: Masamune.**_

_Genesis: very well Puppy! You answered a question! Welcome to the Knowledge Land! Next round, Rose!_

_**Round 3 : Pie Fight**_

_Rose: In this round you have to answer correctly to Buz-…Genesis' question and throw a pie at your opponents to make them lose the game!_

"_**Question 3 : How many eyelashes do I have?"**_

_-Puppy rolls his eyes-_

_**1-49**_

_**2-106**_

_**3-10 798**_

_**4-329**_

_**Puppy's Answer: 106**_

_Genesis: Oh my God! How can you say such a thing! I have 10 798 long, black eyelashes!_

_Puppy: You can't have that many eyelashes!_

_Genesis: …Please, don't destroy the myth! _

_Rose: Now you may throw a pie to your opponent! _

_-The wind blows in the horizon. They can hear a cricket in the distance-_

_-Puppy presses the button and a pie splashes right between his eyes-_

_Rose: very well, let's go to the final question!_

_**Round 4 : Final Countdown **_

_Rose: A picture will appear in the screen and you'll have to press the button when you know the answer, or the other opponent will gain points instead of you!_

_-The wind blows in the horizon. The cricket is eaten by a Chocobo.-_

_A picture starts to appear in the screen. It's a blackish, brownish thing that Puppy couldn't figure out what it was._

_**1 – Genesis' Mole**_

_**2 – A Tree Branch**_

_**3 – Rufus Shin-Ra's dyed hair**_

_**4 – Ultra Super Mega Carbon Soda **_

_**Puppy's Answer: A tree branch**_

_Genesis: NO, NO, NO, NO! __Can't you see? It's my mole! My mole! How could you switch the answers!? Is there anything inside your brain?!_

_-The End of the Game-_

_**And that was Zack and Genesis' First Meeting.**_

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**_Author's Notes: _**Request from ValorSpawn, in my own interpretation ^^'

_Really, I must have been inspired in the day I wrote that. I am playing Buzz with my family, so that justifies ^^'_

_Any suggestion, comment, request – e-mail me (see my profile page) or leave a review  Always appreciated. _


	6. Attack at the Dawn

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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Attack at the Dawn

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Sephiroth and Zack were taking a walk. None of them talked. Sephiroth was gripping the hilt of his sword – His favorite method of protection when travelling outside of Midgar. Anyone who saw his long, thin fingers grasping the weapon, backed away in fear. After all, he was the most feared man on the Planet for a reason.

Zack, otherwise, was clearly absent from danger. Whistling a bad-quality song he heard on the URRS (Ultimate Romantic Radio Station), he looked from side to side, waiting to see something move and join in a chorus. The general was expressly annoyed by his companion behavior. After all, anything could wait for them in the Fields. Monsters, assassins, corrupt Chocobos, robots…even cows. Oh, how Sephiroth hated cows. Almost as much as he hated haircuts. Cows. Those big, brown, clumsy, heavy things.

_They freak me out_, he thought, feeling a knot forming in his throat.

"Oh, look Seph. There's something moving behind that bush."

Sephiroth unsheathed his sword, alarmed. He pushed Zack under a tree and looked at his enemy. The bush moved again and the _creatures_ started to emerge from it. Sephiroth's face turned pale.

There was only one thing that he hated more than cows, haircuts and Hojo. It was those creatures. They were everywhere, sucking life from people, moving as shadows.

They knew everything about us, nothing was a secret to them. Before them, we were naked and hiding no truth. They were omnipresent and sometimes omnipotent. They were always there, when we needed them or not. Their voice was terrifying: they screamed, awful screams and behaviors that appeared in the foggiest corner of Sephiroth's mind. If Hojo knew how powerful they were, he would use them to rule humankind.

They were…

_Fangirls._

"Zack" he whispered "we have to get out of here. It's too dangerous."

"They are just girls, Seph" the boy said looking at the girls. "Look, they are harmless."

"You don't understand Zack. It's their nature. They look like beautiful angels outside, but then, they attack. It's a _bloodbath._"

"Seph, please, don't overreact. Look at them. It's just one of your pointless problems. Like haircuts."

"No, Zack, these aren't like haircuts. You can control haircuts. But you can't control fangirls."

"Oh please, Seph, don't be stupid. Let's say 'hi' to them."

Before Sephiroth could stop him, Zack revealed himself, walking to the group of young women. The general was forced to stand up to. _He wouldn't be a coward at that point. After all, he had a sword, he could protect himself. And he had Super Nova. Muahahaha._

"Hello, ladies!" Zack cheerfully said.

One of them screamed. Another ran away, shaking her arms. Another one started having spasms, but nobody helped her. By the sound of a loud "thump" in the ground, both men could figure out that one of them had fainted.

"Oh, it's Zack" said a green-eyed fangirl, rubbing her hands. "Oh…I've been waiting for this moment for so long." She raised her shirt. Zack covered his eyes. Sephiroth attempted to look. Beneath her shirt was a white t-shirt with Zack's chibiest face on it. Then, every else fangirl raised her shirt. All of them were wearing one of those t-shirts.

Sephiroth sighed in relief. He wouldn't be attacked. Zack would.

"Zack, give me a kiss." She said, batting her eyelashes. "Just one, please…"

"No, no" the young man said embarrassed "I kinda have a girlfriend, you know…"

Her eyes darkened. Sephiroth swore he could see hell behind them.

"Who's she?" her voice trembled "I'm gonna kill her."

"I told you Zack. Let's get the hell out of here."

"Yes, I think it's better." Zack looked at the green-eyed girl. Beyond her angelical feature he could see a _really dark mood._

"At least these are tamed, not like mine."

"What do they do?"

"They…-"

"SEPHIROTH!"

It was like a herd of animals. They ran down the cliff, a blur of black t-shirts. Sephiroth panicked. "Zack…we have to run. Fast."

However, the panic that moved Sephiroth was so big, that we had no time to react. The fangirls were quick, and seconds later, they were forming a circle around him, leaving Zack with his group.

"This time you won't get out of this!" he said, rising his sword.

"Sephiroth, my beloved one-winged angel!" a black-haired girl got out of the group embracing the man. "Do you remember me? We had fun that night." She smiled devilishly. Sephiroth panicked again. His hands trembled. It was a sea of eyes fixed on him; mouths shot open and other obscene gestures that he preferred to ignore.

"Not you again!" he shouted, backing away. "I am sick of you."

"Oh dear Sephiroth, you know we are meant to be with each other." She grinned and advanced towards him.

"Go away!"

"No, Seph…"

"Seph!" Zack shouted from _somewhere_. "Save me! They are asking for autographs on their…_bodies!_"

_No can do, dear Zack. This is the Apocalypse._

Sephiroth only felt something jump on him, and all of a sudden his clothes were being taken, torn, bitten, spited, twisted, frayed, rolled, bent, warped, deformed. And he screamed out of his lungs, he kicked and punched and tried to get out of the abuse. He tried to crawl over, but was pushed back. There were screams, and breathing, and wicked words, and before _it_, he just remembered that he was a man, Shin-Ra's general, a powerful individual. After all, those girls were just...girls. He couldn't be scared of them? He could rip them apart with his bare hands and with his eyes closed.

But their faces, their expressions, their gestures, their screams, panicked him, and he was unable to move, unable to react. His strength vanished away and he was unable to evoque his materia's power. Even lift his sword.

But as powerful as he was, he had to elaborate a plan, a plan to reestablish justice and order in the world. So he would use all his strength in order to fulfill his plan. And the plan was:_ Run away._

"Zack, try to get the hell out of there! I have a plan!"

The black-haired girl appeared and pushed his bangs. A smirk formed on her lips. Sephiroth felt a shiver run down his spine.

"I can't, Seph, they are sticking to me like limpets! And what is the plan?"

"Run away as faster as your legs can handle! ...And try to unglue the girls!"

A moment of silence from Zack's part. Then a wild scream from a girl, a slap, a small explosion and a laugh.

"Argh, Seph, they have got my arm!"

"Zack, they have my _hair!_"

And eventually, Zack and Sephiroth managed to get out of the situation.

Eventually.

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Author's notes: Request by ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess. NOT an attack to fangirls, I am a Sephiroth fangirl myself (Although not hardcore like those ones ^^'), so I have absolutely no need to attack people like myself.

Hope you enjoy!

Requests always appreciated. Please review! Thanks for all the support, the reviews, the PM's, everything that is keeping Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings moving on and on ^O^

~Irith ^O^


	7. Looking at the Sky

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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Looking at the Sky

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Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis were lying down, facing the sky that one of the Training Programs generated. Even if artificial, it was a good escape from the Shin-Ra's headquarters ever dark ceiling, closing them in the building like wild animals. Closing their dreams, their hopes, an ever fading illusion. The darkness of the walls casted shadows in their hearts. Depressing place, that corrupted intellect and awareness. When facing freedom like that, the three friends liked to discuss philosophy and to engage in deep conversation about the rules of the world.

"I wonder… I _believe_ that beyond death" started Sephiroth fixating the sky "We do not feel anything. We will just lie there, dead and silent until the insects of the earth start to erode our bodies; and our souls, if such a thing exists, will fade away."

"However" said Angeal, pointing his finger to the sky "What about the stories about the Promised Land? Do you think they are real? After all, there's all those tales about the Ancients, that ruled the planet, and that after death our souls would travel in the Lifestream, following the flow of life…"

There was some silence after those words.

"Which means…?" asked Genesis cocking an eyebrow.

"Which means" said Angeal again, pointing his finger to the sky "That after death there's a new life, waiting for us, better and more righteous."

"…Probably" corrected Sephiroth.

"Yes, probably" said Angeal closing his eyes. They fell into silence again, distracting dreams wandering their unfortunate souls.

"Sometimes, people ask – 'Why should dreams fall?' Such matters like the one we previously discuss are the ones that originate this kind of questions" said Genesis.

Sephiroth smiled absently "It is not a question, however, that people make to these words. It is one of our rules. One of the many rules mortals possess."

"Indeed."

The birds stopped singing, and a final breeze oscillated the tree's branches. They fell in silence.

"Sometimes" began Sephiroth smiling "When I am alone, and I look up to the sky, I see the lives of the people that were born and that fell on the surface. Printed on the stars I can see the love, and the loathing, the union and the hatred that humans feel for each other. I found it amusing, that the universe, that looks to us from above, can actually be marked by such small influences like us."

"I didn't know you could be so sincere, Seph" said Genesis, turning his head to the general. "It's a surprise to hear you open up like that."

"The world could not be more absent from my words" he answered, smiling again. Then he laughed "I am so tired of my work, of the assignments, of the war. But when I look at the clouds, they look so harmless and so carefree. I envy them."

His two friends didn't answer.

"You are a surprise, Seph" said Angeal "no one knew there was a heart beneath that mask."

"Indeed. Maybe it's just a protection for what people might discover" Sephiroth said, and a wide smile appeared in his face.

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**Author's Notes: **Not humorous, and short as hell, I know, but Sephiroth's friendship with Angeal and Genesis really inspires me to write some friendship fanfiction.

Hope you enjoyed it! ^O^

Tell me what you think! Requests and suggestions always appreciated. Thanks for everyone who is supporting this fic! I wouldn't make this if it weren't you! ^O^


	8. Costa del Sol

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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Costa del Sol

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"I repeat," started Sephiroth "I never wanted to go on this trip. You pulled me over here and because I actually don't have anything better to do… Here I am. So please STOP doing that Zack Fair, I am starting to get really upset."

Zack fell into his towel on the sand. "But Seph! My hair is dripping water all over the place and it's not my fault."

Sephiroth sighed "Zack, it's your fault to have that spiked hair. Use some hairspray, I don't care, but stop making a trail behind you as if you were a snail."

Zack sighed in exasperation and adjusted his head to the wavy surface of the beach. "I can't understand you Seph, I really can't. Here you are in Costa del Sol, the best vacation place on the planet, full of cute chicks, sun, sand and sea…and here you are reading a book, with sunglasses and your t-shirt on. You are a fun terrorist."

Sephiroth pulled his sunglasses up his head and looked at his friend.

"Really, Zack, what's your point? What do you want me to do?"

Zack opened his arms dramatically. "I want you to have fun, Seph! Roll in the sand, do some back flip, dive in the water, hook a girl, I don't know, but stop living like a nerd."

"What a demonstration Zack" Sephiroth stated, putting his book in the towel. "Very well, I will go with you to the water. Satisfied?"

"Very much."

As they walked into the sea, Sephiroth stopped, with the water only around his ankles. Zack looked at him puzzled. "What are you doing Seph? Come on!"

The general twisted his lip. "I am going no further. You have fun Zack. I'll stay here."

Zack wore an angry expression. "Stop being boring Sephiroth, just come on!"

The general didn't thought twice. He walked into the water and pushed Zack. A big "splash" was heard, and a kid started to cry. Sephiroth laughed inwardly and smirked as Zack emerged from the water, his hair annoyingly intact. However, amused by the consistency of his friend's hair, he was not aware of the hand that gripped his ankle and pulled him to the water. He quickly emerged, being only received by an explosion of laughter.

"Seph, I don't know where is your face, your head looks hysterically symmetrical." And Sephiroth's head looked that way, in fact. After the dive, his long silver hair covered his face and the general looked as if someone had dropped a mop in the top of his head. With an annoyed look, Sephiroth flapped his hair over his forehead and looked at his friend. He didn't noticed, though, that his position was the one of a kid, legs open wide, clenched fists and pouted lips, so he was target of a chain of gossiping around him. _Oh darn, I forgot who I am. Everyone knows me. People will talk about my defeat for years. _

"Don't be mad Seph" said Zack, rising up "Let's eat an ice cream, one of chocolate. People say that a chocolate ice cream heals any heart."

"Maybe a vanilla one will heal my pride" he muttered.

Ice creams in hand, both SOLDIERS sat down beneath an umbrella. Sephiroth's face was still tense of the early embarrassment. He looked at his companion and cocked an eyebrow.

"Why do you lick your ice cream, Zack?"

The black-haired man choked up with laughter. "How would you want me to eat it?"

"Well," Sephiroth started, with a obviously-you-are-a-retard-by-licking-an-ice-cream-and-not-eating-it-in-another-way look on his face. "Bite it. That's what I do."

Zack opened his arms. "But Seph! You ate half of your ice cream and you just bit it twice! How can you enjoy the flavor, the texture, the scent?"

Sephiroth looked at his ice cream and noticed it was indeed at half, while Zack's looked untouched.

Not wanting his friend know he was right, he said in a convict way "Screw you, Zack."

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"Seph, bury me in the sand" Zack asked later, which resulted in a hopeless sigh from his companion.

"I won't bury you in the sand, Zack. Why do you act like a kid? At least, let one of us be an adult."

An evil glare formed in Zack's eyes. "Seph, you know you want to bury me in the sand…"

"No. I don't and I won't."

"You know you want…"

"I will not change my mind, Zackary Fair."

"What about the 'Granny Accident'…?"

A panicked look crossed the general's features.

"Zackary Fair, don't you dare."

"You may be general, Seph…But I am a first class also. What would people think when they knew-"

"STOP IT ZACK!"

"That you-"

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

"Had the guts-"

"ZACK!"

"To accept the request of an old lady-"

"I AM WARNING YOU!"

"Who asked you to spread sunscreen on her back?"

Sephiroth grunted and brought his palm to his forehead. Both of them fell in silence.

Then, Zack managed to say: "Gosh Seph, she was uglier than a buffalo."

"Yes, I know."

"I never saw anything like that before."

"Neither did I."

"I didn't even though it was humanly possible to be that ugly."

Sephiroth frowned and he answered with a serious look: "Maybe she's not human at all."

Zack laughed and Sephiroth joined with a dispassionate chuckling.

Then, the black-haired boy stopped.

"Are you going to bury me in the sand after all?"

"Hm…"

"Or do you want to be known as the 'Granny Rubber'?

"Yeah, I will definitely bury you in the sand."

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Author's Notes: Consider this as an annex of the last chapter, since the last one had no humor in it, and this one has.

Review please ^O^, it would be much appreciated! Requests and suggestions are welcomed. If you want to make a request, I would prefer you to PM it to me, but you are welcome to leave it in your review.

As always, thank you all for your support!

~Irith


	9. Why Sephiroth does what he does in FFVII

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Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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Why Sephiroth does what he does in Final Fantasy VII

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Sephiroth sighed and lift his hand to his chin.

"I hate paperwork" he grunted, rising his eyes to Zack, his companion. "I really do."

"Do you really have to do it?" asked Zack, checking a report left on the top of the table "I mean, why don't you hire someone to do it for you?"

"Only if there was someone in this damned world that could falsify my signature" he said. Zack looked at the gibberish that was Sephiroth's signature and nodded his head. "It is really awful, my friend."

"Indeed, Zachary."

They kept silence for a little while, Zack checking the endless reports and grids that Sephiroth had to sign every day. His hair fell to his shoulders, pilled on the desk. Zack found amusing the way that the general had to shove it aside to gain space for his arms and hands. The black-haired boy raised a hand to his spiky hair and smiled under its touch"_So practical"._

"Do you know what we needed in the world, Zack?" asked Sephiroth, biting the tip of his pen.

"More hair gel?"

"No. We needed a really good villain."

Zack looked astonished. "A villain? What for?"

"Zack, this world is getting so boring. I mean, we already defeated Wutai, and now I am pretending I am a hero but the truth is that I really don't have anything better to do than paperwork. It's so frustrating"

Zack cocked an eyebrow. "You should really get a girlfriend, Sephiroth."

"I don't need a girlfriend Zack. You know I have no patience for women. What I need is a strong, invincible _villain._"

"Ok, if you are so stuck to that idea, what kind of villain do you want?"

Sephiroth leaned on his chair and looked at the ceiling. "He would be very powerful, Zack. Really powerful. Invincible. I will now start the description."

_He would have a goal beyond the goal of common villains. He wouldn't want to destroy the world – He would want to become a god, in order to get back the world, because he would say it belonged to him and his non-human race._

"Yes, Seph, but you have to add the comic factor."

_Ok. So that villain had a loving mother, and he was destroying the world and killing people because of her wishes._

"That's wicked Sephiroth. But what about if his mother was not a _loving_ mother? Maybe he thought she was his mother but she was not his mother at all!"

_Yes, that would add some drama to the story, Zack. _

"And to make his personality and origins more twisted, his mother could be a freaking alien!"

..._ Zack I think you are using too much your imagination._

"Seph!"

…_Ok. So his mother was an alien. And to please you Zack, the villain was carrying her head all over the world, saying she was his loving mother._

"Now we're talking Seph."

_Then, we need an adversary to the villain. We would need someone like…_

"Tseng!"

_No, Tseng is too plain and boring. We need a blonde, 'angsty', purple-wearing guy…_

"Cloud!"

_Cloud wears purple?_

"No, but we can make him wear it."

_Right. Moving on. Now we need the blonde-angsty-purple-wearing-guy's girlfriend. She should be sweet, caring and innocent. Wear pink, perhaps._

"…I really don't think we know someone like that, Seph-"

_Oh, I know. Aerith is perfect for the role._

"I REALLY DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA, SEPHIROTH."

_Zack, my villain has an alien mother and is caring her head all over the world. Nothing can ruin the story now. Let me have fun until I get back to my paperwork. _

"…Ok."

_So, this girl-_

"Aerith."

…Aerith_ would want to save the world, because she is somewhat connected to the planet and knows the villain is evil, and would sacrifice herself to save the world from the claws of the devil._

"…"

_But although she is so angel-like she would make a CRITICAL FAILURE in the story, look at a dying man and say: this guy are sick._

"You are so dead, Seph."

_And because of that awful English mistake, the villain would stab her in the back._

"I really hate you Sephiroth."

_And then, Cloud would be all angsty and say it was his fault, and he would cry a lot. And then the wind would blow and create a dramatic and fake effect of his extra strange hair, like he was some hero that would be remembered forever, you know what I mean?_

"Like those heroes that are so cool that even enter on those 'Who is the best hero' contests and manage to win or make an incredible high score?"

_Yes, something like that. And Cloud would have to carry a sword bigger than him._

"Like Angeal's?"

_Yeah, we'll ask Angeal for Cloud to borrow his sword._

"Yeah, that's a good idea Seph."

_And now is the better part. There would be a gang against the Shin-Ra company, that would be destroying mako reactors on Midgar. _

"As IF!"

_Yeah, it's good to dream. And they would be called something that would have to do with snow…_

"The Snowman Nightingales?"

_Yes, that's a great name Zack. And in the end, the gang would reunite with Cloud and the villain would transform into a freaky thing with wings all over his body and do an attack called Super Nova that would actually be 200 years long. And when he would make the Final Blow of the attack, Cloud would have a walking stick and beard instead of healthy blond hair and a sword._

_And then, the villain would win the final battle, and everything would fall into the hands of darkness._

"What? You didn't want a villain to defeat it?"

"No, I would rather become the villain Zack."

"You are crazy."

"I really, really hate paperwork. Boredom does big things."

"Indeed."

"Do you think this story would have any fame or success?"

"No, look at it Seph: it's so stupid, that I start to laugh about it when I think."

"But it would be funny if they made a lot of merchandise about it."

"Don't dream Seph. The plot is really bad."

And that's why Sephiroth does what he does in Final Fantasy VII.

Because he really, really hates paperwork.

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_Author's Notes: And I am really , really tired tonight… I am going to bed right now :P_

_Please review! _

_**Note to people who favorite my story but don't review**__: I appreciate that you favorite my story, because it already has a LOT of favorites, but most of the people that favorite this, don't actually review… I would like to know that you exist :D _

_Thanks, anyways._


	10. The Glare & Hair Talk

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

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The Glare

* * *

"Sephiroth" Zack called, entering the office. "I have to talk to you."

Sephiroth sighed and removed his headphones "You have to give a surprise-enter when I hit the chorus, don't you?" he asked, theatrically annoyed. "What is it now kid?"

Zack pouted, slightly upset. "I went to the city a minute ago."

"Please make it quick. My music can't await any longer."

"I don't know what happened. As I was walking down the street, people stopped what they were doing, looking at me, and suddenly burst out laughing!"

"They started laughing at you?" Sephiroth asked. Then he added, with a little smirk: "Well, that's normal, look at the face you were born with."

"This is no time for kidding!" the dark-haired man said, lifting a fist.

Sephiroth rotated his chair so that he faced Zack fully. He intertwined his fingers under his chin. "They were mocking you?"

"Yes, Seph, they were laughing at me, mocking at me, whispering jokes about me. At first I thought there was something on my face, but I checked myself on the mirror and there's no pimple, no food stuck in my teeth, and my hair is impeccably spiky as always!"

"Follow my advice, dear friend: All of this is a message sent by God to help you changing your haircut."

"Seph, just stop it!"

"Oh come on, Zack…Are you so concerned about other people's opinions about you?"

"I just don't want to act as a fool around Aerith."

"You won't. She loves you the way you are."

There was a moment of silence. Zack's jaw dropped, Sephiroth blushed. A cricket was heard in the distance.

"Wow Sephiroth, that was really sincere and profound, from your part."

"I am actually surprised at myself, Zack."

Another moment of silence.

"Well Sephiroth, I think I will just ignore other people's glares, and commentaries and move on with my day."

"A wise choice, my friend." Sephiroth approved, plucking his headphones in his ears again. "Now go face that cruel world, Zack!"

"Yes I will, Seph!" the boy shouted, with shimmering eyes. He then turned around, in an attempt to exit the room.

That was when Sephiroth cracked up in an explosive burst of laughing.

"What the crap?! What is it Sephiroth?" Zack asked, turning around quickly.

In middle of tears, Sephiroth answered: "Zack, you have a post-it glued to your back saying 'Nail Me'…"

_It was so embarrassing that Zack didn't leave the building for two weeks._

* * *

Hair Talk

* * *

They were all reunited in the cafeteria, trying to get awake with extra large sips of coffee. Some of them had heavy eyelids and were still sleeping in his chairs. But most of them were awakened enough to talk about an interesting topic, that actually didn't come to the surface so easily, being as simple as it was.

"So, Seph, what do you do each morning to have that hair?" Reno asked.

"I do nothing."

"You don't even use straightening irons?" asked Cissnei, amused.

"As I was saying – I do nothing. I wake up with straight hair, I spend my day with straight hair, and I lie down with straight hair."

"I wished" said Reno, pouring more coffee into his mug. "I spend a lot of time straightening one part of my hair and spiking the other. Sometimes I just want to shave it all, just like Rude, but then I remember that my popularity with the ladies would be critically reduced."

"Actually I don't need much time to do my hair" said Zack, touching it.

"Me neither" said Cloud. "I wake up like this every day. I just need to spice it a little with gel, and it stays like this."

"Yes, it's actually very practical." Zack agreed, smiling.

"Angeal, do you have oily hair?" asked Genesis with a smirk.

"No I don't" the man answered, annoyed. "I just put it like this every morning with gel. Short and sleek. It's pretty practical, it doesn't go to my eyes nor it tangles with my sword and blocks my movements", he added, looking at Sephiroth.

"Seek my advice", said Rude. "Being bald is great. I never, never have to care about hair."

"In winter it must be pretty tough" commented Zack, looking at his companion's shiny head. "Being so cold up there."

"His brain freezes from time to time" joked Reno.

"What about you Genesis?" asked Cissnei.

"Totally natural." He remarked, putting a whole cookie in his mouth.

"Minus the color…" murmured Sephiroth, concentrated in his cake.

"What? Genesis isn't a red-head?" asked Zack, almost swallowing his toast.

"At least mine is true…" said Reno, holding a strand of his own hair.

"Of course it's true. Sephiroth is just joking around, aren't you, Seph?" he asked, patting his head in a playful yet threatening way. Sephiroth cocked his eyebrows and said nothing.

"Between all of us, Sephiroth has the most strange hair color" added Cloud, fixing the general's strands. "I wish my hair was pretty as his…"

Sephiroth didn't comment. He looked up at Rude and contemplated his care-less, practical, presentable 'hair style'. A little of envy formed in his mind.

"You are a really smart guy, aren't you?"

* * *

_Author's Notes: Two short stories in this chapter._

_I am so grateful that there are people that were still reading my stuff, fav'ing it, reviewing it, I am so grateful for you people out there ^O^_

_Again, I am very sorry for the delay, but I have been busy right now and I have put fanfiction aside for a while, but I am glad to be back ^o^_

_As always, comment, review, say what you think :D_

_If you want to talk to me personally you're welcome to send me a private message, I will be glad to answer back :) _

_Another note: I recently created a DeviantArt account, and I will post these chapters as well as many other works. For the link, go to my profile, I will be glad to talk to you there and see your works :)_

_~Irith _


	11. Sephiroth's Funeral

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

* * *

Sephiroth's Funeral

* * *

"You know something, Zack?" Sephiroth asked "I was thinking about my funeral."

"Your funeral?" the boy asked, surprised.

"Yes, Zack" he replied, staring at the window longingly. "We never know when it's our time."

"Oh Seph, with your position and your strength I don't think you'll die so soon" Zack rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately I won't have my general position as soon as I'd want to."

Sephiroth smirked "Oh, you think you'd get the general position as soon as I'd die? You have to wait a while pup. If I died, Angeal or Genesis would surely succeed, not you. Of course you could be a corrupt soldier and poison their drinks in order to get your position, of course, but I bet you'd wet your pants just at the thought of being caught."

"Your humor is at its peak today, Seph."

"But it's dark indeed, Zachary." Sephiroth sighed "If I died, who would I give my legacy?"

"Your legacy?"

Sephiroth smirked again. "Zack, my safe isn't exactly empty."

Zack's mouth opened ajar "Ohh! You mean your money!"

"Yes, Zack, I mean the money I receive every month and have no way to spend."

Zack thought. "Well, you could give it to someone you really like."

"As…?"

The boy blushed and scratched his head "Well…"

Sephiroth laughed "Oh my dear Zack do you think I would give thousands and thousands of gil to you? What would you do with it? Buy a candy shop or fill the Shin-Ra building with flowers? Maybe you'd even go swimming with the dolphins every day at Costa del Sol or order a personal cook to make you chocolate cake every day. No my good friend, that would be completely incorrect. You aren't the kind of money-spender that the world needs."

"Well, you could give the money to charity…"

"Charity? That would be a waste of time. People in need will die anyway."

"Wow Seph that's an awful way of thinking."

"It's the true, though."

"Do you have no hope in your heart?"

"With the much disaster and tragedy I saw in my life? No." Sephiroth paused. "Also, I would like for chocolate cookies and honey cake to be served in my funeral. Masamune should be buried with me, of course, as well as my coat. People would dress in black and silver, and would sing beautiful songs and I would let Genesis read Loveless from the beginning till the end, just for my memory."

"Well, that's a honor for him"

"It sure is Zack. Because after all… after I die, no one will tell him in the face how annoying he can get when he's reading that thing."

"With friends as you no one wants enemies, Sephiroth."

"Well Zack, friends and enemies are all the same. In the end both go to your funeral. Friends may cry and enemies may laugh but IN THE END they'll go to your funeral. "

Zack sighed. "One thing I am sure of, Seph."

"What?"

"You will be remembered."

* * *

_Author's Notes: I still live! :P _

_The 500 words challenge XD_

_Review as always._


	12. The Coffee

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

The Coffee

Sephiroth had… rituals.

By rituals he meant: something we would do every single day, at the same hour, at same place and with the same mood. Boring yes, but necessary to "_keep the professionalism, the discipline, and, ultimately, the necessary balance to maintain the steadiness of my life-style." _That was something Sephiroth used to say about his boring routine.

Sephiroth's _rituals_ basically consisted of this:

6:00 Am – Sephiroth wakes up and starts practicing some yoga. He needs the yoga to feel balanced and relaxed during the day.

6:30 Am – He goes immediately to the bathroom to prepare himself for his day. Sephiroth actually takes a lot of time in the bathroom, especially when it's "conditioning day" for his hair.

7:15 Am – He leaves the bathroom. He chooses his clothing from a wardrobe full of black leather pants, black leather gloves, black leather boots, black socks and black underwear. He puts his cloak on.

7:25 Am – After that, Sephiroth starts polishing his beloved Masamune. He starts from the hilt, polishing with eyes full of love, than goes to the blade, where he spends hours trying to minimize any scratch the blade gained from the hours and hours of training.

8:00 Am – It's the big time of the day. The time when even countless hours of yoga can't stop Sephiroth's face from forming a frown. It's because of 8:00 Am that people say Sephiroth is always in a bad mood or is cruel, or is impatience towards others.

It's coffee time.

As everyone knows, the Shin-Ra building has a cafeteria. At least they have to have one somewhere. Also, as everyone knows, Sephiroth has no time for cooking. Not even to prepare a coffee for himself. So, every single day he went to the cafeteria to drink a sip of coffee and perhaps eat a muffin with low-fat butter. His shared his breakfast time everyday with his companions: Zack, Cloud, Genesis, Angeal, Rude, Reno and Cissnei.. Then they would separate and attend to their duties.

"Good morning Seph!" said Zack happily. "How're you today?"

"I am fine, thank you. How about you, Zachary?"

"I am great! I had this weird dream about-"

Reno punched the table. "Boy, you aren't going to tell your dream again, aren't you?"

"But it was a good dream!" Zack said, pouting. "And Sephy doesn't know about it. So I will have to tell it again."

Everyone sighed. Sephiroth was about to comment the use of the word "Sephy" but then he shut his mouth tight. He wasn't going to bother about that anymore. The worst part of the day was about to come.

"So" Zack started excitedly "Remember our odd conversation the other day, Seph?"

Sephiroth cocked an eyebrow distractedly. "Odd conversation? I don't have odd conversations. Everything I say is to contribute to the wisdom of the world."

"The conversation about paperwork. When you mentioned the evil plans of your imaginary villain and the _blonde-angsty-purple-wearing-guy."_

If Sephiroth wasn't so self-controlled, he would have blushed till the roots of his hair. _But_ he practiced yoga to avoid that kind of embarrassments. He nodded calmly.

"Well, Seph imagine that I dreamed that everyone came true! It was like this – You were the villain, Seph. I mean, come on! Who would interpret the part better than you? So, you had a freaking alien mom, and you loved her so much that one day you ripped her head off. I think she was enclosed in a mako reactor. There was mako all over the place. Then the blonde-angsty-purple-wearing-guy was Cloud! He was soooo badass Seph, he like, wanted to rip you head off!"

Sephiroth sighed and lifted his palm to his forehead. How could the boy be so awaken?

"I love this coffee" commented Genesis, taking a sip of the drink. "It's so warm and good."

"It makes me dizzy" said Cissnei. "I don't like that kind of drinks too much."

"God, no one is allergic to coffee" replied Angeal. "I had best, but this one's good, actually. When I drink it I feel like no one could disturb my day."

"Actually, people tell that this coffee has different effects on people." Informed Cloud.

Zack sighed. "Can I continue my story?"

Everyone nodded, bored.

"Then Cloud was part of a group called AVALANCHE! You know, to replenish the Snow Nightingales?"

"AVALANCHE. What a dumb name." commented Reno sipping his coffee. Genesis stared at Sephiroth.

"Why don't you order your coffee, my friend? You always order it later, when we are about to finish ours."

Sephiroth gulped. Everybody's head turned to him, expectantly.

"Ok" he said, surrendered. "I will order it now."

He raised his arm and made a signal to the cafeteria woman. She smiled and started preparing his coffee. Sephiroth gulped again, looking at his lap.

"I will proceed, then." Zack said, eating a cookie. "So, Cloud and his groups went finding you all over the place, you know? And you had awesome lines like: I am the chosen one etc."

Zack's face darkened. "And then happened the worst part of the story, Seph."

"Which was?" he asked, nervously thinking about his drink.

"You killed Aerith, for God's sake!"

"Don't tell me so." he answered, eyes fixed on the cup on top of the counter. "I told you the CRITICAL FAILURE would have her killed, sooner or later."

"Everyone was mad at you. But Aerith was an angel, you know? And she sacrificed herself for the world. And then Cloud stabbed you and you disappeared forever."

"I'm glad" Sephiroth said. The waitress put the cup of coffee in front of Sephiroth. The general sighed.

Now would be the part when he took his coffee and would go to the bathroom to drink it. He would give an excuse like: oh, I have to go to the bathroom and I'll take the coffee with me by the way. That way, no one could see him.

He rose up, with the cup in his hand.

"You're going to the bathroom as usual, Seph?" asked Angeal.

The general nodded, his lip twitching.

"I think that's going to be quite impossible" commented Cissnei. "The bathrooms are closed right now. I think a pipe burst or something."

Sephiroth felt his hope wash away. No. That was the worst thing that could happen to him.

"Come on, drink your coffee, Seph." Insisted Zack "It's almost time for work."

The general looked at the cup with suspicious eyes. Than fear formed in his face.

"What are you waiting for, man?" Reno said, punching his shoulder friendly "It'll get cold."

There was only one way. And sadly, Sephiroth had to take it. He lifted the cup to his lips and took a long sip. Then he stared down at the coffee, watching the calm, almost black surface of the drink.

"Oh my goodness!" said Cissnei "What's happening to his face?"

Sephiroth looked at his feet than felt a hand grab his shoulders.

"I think he's blushing."

"He's not blushing, he's turning red!" Cloud exclaimed.

Sephiroth found himself looking at the astonished faces of his friends. He was so mad. He wanted to break everything around him.

"Why does your face look like a tomato?" Zack innocently asked.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" the general shouted, rising. "I am allergic to coffee, for God's sake!"

Everyone looked at him seriously. Seconds later, everyone burst out laughing. Sephiroth blushed to the roots of his hair, but this time no one could notice it, because his face couldn't turn more red than it already was.

_Sephiroth practiced yoga for the rest of the day._

_Author's Notes: _

_This is a request by TornAngelWings. Cheers to you, btw :) _

_I am alive my friends! I'm sorry for the delay. Ok, it was not a delay. I thought that I wouldn't write more this sequel, so I actually "abandoned" the project. A coward, I know. I wrote this chapter because I received a lot of favorites lately and I was feeling awful about myself for letting you wait in your misery for more chapters :P So I have to thank everybody who fav'd this story and reviewed :D It was incredibly appreciated :) _

_I hope you liked. Reviews would be awesome, too. ^o^_

_*Hugs to you all*_

_~Irith_


	13. Auto Correct

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

Auto-correct

* * *

Kunsel entered the general's room. He didn't want to break in in his superior's room like that, but he had to – the curiosity was killing him.

The last rumour among the rookies and the 3rd and 2nd class SOLDIER's: Sephiroth had a schedule for everything. It was printed in his brain: at that precise time, the general would leave everything he was doing to start the new task. The rookies started to note some patterns on Sephiroth's routine and, by now, their superior was a laughing stock. Oh, if Sephiroth knew! Kunsel shivered at the thought and proceeded cautiously in to the apartment, looking everywhere as if suddenly the silver-haired man just jumped at him and cut his head.

Yes, Kunsel had already notted the patterns in Sepiroth's routine but he had always looked at his friend and general with such respect that the thought of Sephiroth actually using the agenda on his cellphone made Kunsel burst with laughter. Sephiroth was a spontaneous kind of men! He needed no appointments! He went where he wanted to go at the time he wanted to. Agendas, bah!

Yes, Sephiroth was a man.

Kunsel's searching ended when he spotted the cellphone on the end-table. He carefully held the phone as if it had some kind of trap. When he found out that the object wasn't going to bite him, he started to search for the agenda – but another thing caught his eye.

"_You received a new message"_

Kunsel opened the text, frowning.

_From: Genesis_

_Hi Seph! We R going to train this afternoon. I hope u show up. _

Well, it wasn't all that bad. Kunsel opened the conversation menu.

_Kate: Be warned: I'm dumping you when I get home tonight._

_Sephiroth: Fine with me. I was just thinking we could use some time apart. _

_Kate: What! I got autocorrected. I mean to write "jumping you" not "dumping you"!_

_Sephiroth: ...Well this is awkward._

Kunsel darkly chuckled. That was fun. By the way, who was that Kate? Probably the hot secretary from the lobby. Sephiroth loved to give expectations. Of course he was going to dump her, did she thought they were going to marry?

Kunsel burst out laughing.

_Angeal: Go to home depot's website, I need help choosing between 2 paint colors. _

_Sephiroth: Ok, what are they?_

_Angeal: Either French Lilac or Mystic Farts. _

_Sephiroth: Mystic farts for sure. _

_Angeal: Mystic Fairy, not fart! I just burst out laughing. _

_Sephiroth: The real issue here is: why would you ever THINK about having your walls painted with a color as gay as Mystic Fairy?_

Angeal didn't answer back. Tears of laughter streamed down Kunsel's face.

_Zack: Are you still gonna bring me my breakfast? I don't want to go down to the cafeteria. _

_Sephiroth: I'm preparing it now. _

_Zack: Ok good! Don't forget: I like my testicles extra buttery._

_Zack: I mean toast slices. This phone is a piece of Shih-Tzu!_

_Zack: Piece of shit!_

Kunsel continued to search for conversations.

_Cloud: Don't invite too many people to my party Saturday night. I know you haven't seen it yet but my dick is tiny. _

_Sephiroth: You have a tiny dick? Prepare to never live this down._

_Cloud: MY DECK YOU ASSHOLE_

_Sephiroth: Yeeees, of course._

Kunsel would never look at Cloud in the same way. He smiled absently as the thought of Cloud's red glowing cheeks as he read his autocorrect came to his mind.

_Genesis: My secretary told me she likes my computer bag. I told her that I'm secure enough with my manboobs to carry a woman's bag!_

_Genesis: What the hell, I meant manboobs. _

_Genesis: For hell's sake, manboobs. _

_Genesis: I suck, manhood, duck!_

_Genesis: I'm done here._

_Sephiroth: Seriously? Now that's hilarious._

Oh God, what if Sephiroth returned from training? Kunsel started to sweat at the thought but he couldn't leave the cellphone now, it was too much fun to read the conversations and leave them, but he couldn't take the phone with him. If Sephiroth found out... he shivered.

_Zack: Dude I found out why my car smelled so bad._

_Sephiroth: What was it?_

_Zack: Half eaten hooker I left in the trunk last week. _

_Sephiroth: That is inspiring. _

_Zack: I mean, hoagie. Wow, epic fail. I left it rotting in the trunk in the heat._

_Sephiroth: Well, I wasn't worried even for a second._

Kunsel smiled. He would have to search Zack's car trunk to be sure next time.

_Cloud: Guess what._

_Sephiroth: What._

_Cloud: I'm getting a sodomized kitten!_

_Cloud: A doomed kitten I mean._

_Cloud: A SIAMESE KITTEN!_

_Cloud: Why does my phone hate me so. _

_Sephiroth: I don't know, but thank god you're not getting a sodomized kitten._

That was just too great.

_Sephiroth: Gen, are you swinging by after work? Zack wants to know._

_Genesis: Yes, I have to give him the anal tongue._

_Sephiroth: I see. _

_Genesis: WHAT? Forget that even happened. _

_Sephiroth: Zack says he needs the algae tabs for the fishtank. _

_Genesis: Yeah, that's what I tried to type. the _

Another one came by. Ah, so Sephiroth also perished before the hellish auto-correct feature! At least he perished with style, Kunsel found out after reading it.

_Zack: I have the worst mosquito bites on my arm. Driving me nuts! So itchy!_

_Sephiroth: Just rub some asshole on it, you'll be fine. _

_Zack: Ewwww WORST ADVICE EVER! So gross..._

_Sephiroth: Yeah, I meant alcohol. I would not_ _recommend rubbing asshole on anything._

Another one.

_Cloud: I have OCD._

_Sephiroth: What's that stand for?_

_Cloud: I suffer from obsessive clitoris disorder._

_Sephiroth: I see. _

_Cloud: No, no... Obsessive *compulsive* disorder. Now I am mortified. _

_Sephiroth: ...I see. _

And another one.

_Genesis: Hi, I'm really close. _

_Genesis: Please eat me out. _

_Genesis ***MEET ME OUTSIDE_

_Genesis: Oh god my heart just stopped when I sent that. _

_Sephiroth: I wish I had something witty to say but words are failing me. See you in 5._

He searched for more auto-correct delight and then he burst out in laugther.

_Sephiroth: Everything ok? Haven't heard from you in a few days!_

_Genesis: Yup. Sorry man. I just came out of the closet. _

_Sephiroth: Oh! I always had a hunch. Well, don't worry, I'm ok with it and so will Angeal. _

_Genesis: HOLY SHIT I'M NOT GAY MAN! I mean coming out of the clinic now. Autocorrect._

_Sephiroth: ...oh, I see. _

He didn't care if Sephiroth caught him with his phone. He didn't matter. But the rookies just had to see this.

* * *

_Author's notes: I couldn't resist it._


	14. Meeting Aerith

NON YAOI.

A series of humor drabbles about Zack and the group. No specific pairings. Contains Crisis Core characters (Kunsel, Cissnei, Angeal, Genesis, Hollander) and locations but no spoilers.

* * *

Sephiroth's and Zack's Musings

_Meeting Aerith_

* * *

**Important note: There will be references to chapter 9 so be sure to check it out before you read this one. **

Sephiroth and Cloud looked into each other eyes. Cloud had a cup of coffee in his hands and Sephiroth sipped his tea delicately. They were in a coffe shop in a little alley in Sector 8, waiting for Zack. The black haired man had left for the slums in the morning, promising both of them he would return in just a few minutes. They had been sitting in there for five hours and no sign of the first class soldier. They had already tried to play cards, dice, board games and every other entertainment that the small and idilic coffee shop could provide. Sephiroth even managed to spend an entire hour sharpening Masamune while Cloud played Snake on his cellphone. They read every newspaper and magazine, watched the news and the 3 o'clock football game. They tried every juice on the juice bar and even organized a cake-eating competition, which ended with Sephiroth begging the old lady behind the counter for more cake.

Nonetheless, they were tired. They wanted to see Zack. Damn, they wanted to meet Aerith!

"There he is" said Cloud suddenly, startling Sephiroth.

The silver haired man looked at the girl entering the coffee shop. Aerith's braided hair was held by a pink ribbon but her dress was white and blue. Her face was beautiful, with piercing emerald eyes. She was young but even if the soft curves of her face showed her young age, there was maturity and experience in her eyes, as well as pain. That was not a girl you could forget, he thought absently.

"Hi guys. I'm sorry if I'm late. Some of the kids in the slums were in trouble and Aerith offered to take care of them. It appears that one of the kid's fascination with wallets was disturbing the peace on wall market."

"I'm sorry!"

Her voice was beautiful. Sephiroth smiled when he thought that some months ago he had told Zack that Aerith, at some point would say: "This guy are sick!" The girl would never say such a thing, she was too pretty to commit awful English mistakes. However, Zack didn't need to know that.

She sat and ordered some orange juice. Zack held her hand above the table and something inside Sephiroth twisted. The way that her eyes sparkled when Zack's eyes met hers and the way that her fingers curled in delight below Zack's touch made something shift in his heart. Perhaps because he never felt something like that. Perhaps because no woman ever looked at him wanting protection or companionship. All they wanted was _Sephiroth,_ was Sephiroth's _body_ and Sephiroth's _power. _Nothing besides that.

"So.. Aerith, Zack has told us a lot about you" started Cloud, leaning forward. He too was delighted by the girl's charm. "Do you sell flowers?"

"Yes, I do. The flowers in my church are quite resilient because it is a sacred place. They say you can't grow grass and flowers in Midgar... But for some reason, the flowers have no trouble blooming there"

"Yeah, Aerith is a big success on the slums. Providing hope and happiness where there's none. After all that's what flowers symbolize, isn't it?"

"Sure is" she agreed, smiling at him.

Cloud leaned forward again.

"So... If I were ever to take you out on a date, should I give you flowers?"

The question was completely off the record. Sephiroth smiled devilishly at Cloud and felt Zack's foot nudging his ankle to end up kicking Cloud's knee. The blond covered up the pain and kept smiling at Aerith, who seemed surprised.

"Well... I guess. After all, every girl loves flowers."

"Cloud, are you crazy?" said Zack, his mouth-ajar. "She is my girlfriend, man!"

"Zack, don't be jealous."

Sephiroth's insides were melting with joy. He felt the urge to kiss Cloud just by seeing Zack's angry expression. Aerith was Zack's weak point, that was obvious. Even Sephiroth didn't have the guts or the evilness to play with that. Cloud had the courage to. However...

"Aerith, do you have a bodyguard?"

She blinked, surprised "A bodyguard?"

"Yes" continued Sephiroth, playing his game "After all, you live in the slums. Monsters lurk there, as well as thieves and robbers. And you are just a girl, imagine if someone tried to hurt you while you sold your flowers on the streets?"

Cloud nodded "I don't know how Zack didn't even think about that."

"You're a cruel boyfriend, Zack" said Sephiroth, eyes wide open.

"Reckless, completely reckless" agreed Cloud with a serious expression.

"I can protect Aerith" said Zack, angry. "I'm always there for her, if she needs anything she can call me and I'll be right on my way."

Sephiroth pointed a finger at Zack "Yes, Zack, if she calls you... however what if she doesn't even have the time to call you? What if they steal her phone? What if they abduct her? How will you help her? How can you leave you girlfriend in the slums without a man's protection or company?"

"Yeah, how can you live with yourself!" Cloud punched the table, nodding.

Sephiroth looked at Aerith. She was smiling faintly in a polite way. That girl was tough. She wasn't going to flee at the tinniest complication.

"I think you need to assign Aerith a bodyguard" said Cloud.

"What? She doesn't need a bodyguard"

"Of course she does. And it's gonna be one of us: Me or Sephiroth."

Zack looked at them, mouth full open.

"I am NOT assigning one of you as Aerith's bodyguards, that's the end of the discussion!"

"Zack" just saying his name brought a halt to his anger. Aerith smiled again. "If you do it you'll probably stop being so worried whenever you are on a mission. You call me dozens of times per day."

He blushed.

"I do that because, as I said before, I'm constantly worried about you."

"Well, if you find someone to protect me, and perhaps even help me selling flowers, you won't be so concerned. After all, I know you trust your friends."

Zack sighed.

"Well, I can't trust Sephiroth."

The general smiled. "Why not?"

"Well, all girls fall at your feet! You just walk by and every woman on the ShinRa HQ bursts in a explosion of sighing!"

"You're exaggerating"

"I'm not. You're just too popular. One day I was talking to a girl in Sector 8 and she said that just imagining you stripped to the waist made her dizzy. At least no one notices Cloud."

Cloud opened his mouth in protest "That's just cool, Zack, that's just cool!"

"Cloud, you're wearing purple!"

"It's my uniform, I can't help it! Too bad you say it's gay pride."

"Gay pride is rainbow" said Sephiroth, frowning.

"_Officially_, but admit that everytime you think of purple, you think of gays."

"I don't. You're being a homophobe"

Zack opened his mouth wide again.

"What? Sephiroth, you were the one who assigned purple to rookies and 3rd classes!"

Cloud gasped "I don't believe it! You're the _reason_ I'm wearing this stupid color right now?"

"Well, my life is incredibly boring. I don't care if my definition of fun is making men wearing purple. If I laugh about it, then its doing its job."

"You've ruined lives with that decision!"

"Cloud, you're overreacting"

"I'm not overreacting! Yesterday Kunsel's girlfriend broke up with him because she thought he was turning gay!"

"Well, she was not a keeper. Who breaks up with a guy just considering what he wears?"

"Having in consideration that he had to wear _purple_ seven days per week, 365 days per year, a woman starts to have doubts, I guess" said Zack.

"I agree to that" said Aerith, sipping her orange juice.

"See? Even Aerith thinks it's just awkward for a guy to wear purple every day. At least our trousers are baggy, just imagine if they were tight."

"I guess the girls would be thrilled to see your sexy legs" mocked Sephiroth with a smirk.

"Not when in purple."

"Did you know that purple enhances your eyes?" joked Sephiroth again, defending himself from a well placed kick. "Tell me, Aerith, how good is your English?"

The girl blinked. "It's fine, I believe."

"So tell me: What would you say if you ever saw a man mumbling inside a tube?"

"Sephiroth you're being a douchebag."

"I...I...I don't know" she said, puzzled.

"Look sweetie" Zack held Aerith's hand "Don't listen to Sephiroth. A month ago he invented some crappy story and you were one of the characters. He said that.."

"_Aerith__ would want to save the world, because she is somewhat connected to the planet and knows the villain is evil, and would sacrifice herself to save the world from the claws of the devil." _completed Sephiroth with a faint smile.

"That's quite a role" she retorted "But how did you know I'm connected to the planet?"

"You are?" exclaimed the three men.

"Well... yes. It's just because of this strange materia my mother gave me. It's useless but I think it's what gives me the power to talk to the planet."

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. He had to check that. Being a materia expert as he was, a materia that made the user talk to the planet was rare enough to caught his attention. However, he would have time to dig into that later.

"See, Zack? I believe my story will be real. You say it's impossible but I still have hope."

"Sephiroth, you are completely out of your mind. And in that story, Cloud dates Aerith! It's never going to happen!"

"Well, you'll probably be dead by then."

"You asshole. I will not."

"If you step in the way of my story, I'll just kill you in the process. There will be no hope for you, Zack."

"Sephiroth, your story is never going to happen. Stop living in fantasy!"

The general smiled "I don't care. My fantasy will be the final fantasy for all of you, common mortals. I've already started the process and the fiction is becoming reality."

Zack frowned "How so?"

"Well, just look at Cloud."

"What about him?"

"He's already flirting with your girlfriend. And, the most important thing, he's wearing purple, just like I predicted."

"You didn't predict anything. You changed the soldier's uniform to your heart's content."

"And I won't stop doing so, until all the plot elements in my masterpiece are completed."

* * *

**Some years later...**

Cloud stopped near a metal tube. A man lurked inside, mumbling and waving restlessly. Aerith looked inside and her emerald eyes opened wide.

"Cloud..."

"Yes?"

"This guy are sick!"

Cloud closed his eyes and slapped his forehead.

_And so it begins._

* * *

_Author's notes_: I'm sorry if it seemed that Sephiroth developed a crush on Aerith, it was just the avid Aeriseph fangirl rising due to the opportunity. SZM still doesn't have specific pairing with the exception of the cannon ZackxAerith so don't worry because I'm not starting inventing pairings.

And well, all the puns in this story were, in fact, intended.

I hope you enjoyed it

~Irith


End file.
